Yesterday it was seeing pregnant women everywhere I went running errands. Today its a thousand pregnancy announcements (well maybe not 1000 but it feels like it)
I just keep thinking, WHY ME? I know I should be happy I have 3 healthy little boys and that is better than having no kids and wondering why me; but it still puzzles me why I got picked for this four freakin times. I think we are good parents; we can provide well for our kids, we wanted another baby, Im heathy, Dhs healthy.............Ive already hopped on the nothing-ever-goes right merry go round four horrible times, along with two very stressful pregnancies. Ive had my fair share, time to shove off black cloud and leave me the heck alone. You gave me a taste of the freedom of normalcy when it comes to getting and being pregnant; then you yank it away!!!???
I wonder why this time things didnt work; when Ds3 was an absolute miracle - no ttc, no miscarriage, no stressful pregnancy complications................just perfectly NORMAL from start to finish. What have I done differently?
Then I think, I can deal with this; because if Im dealing with it then I like to think Ive saved someone else from having to. Ive been here, done this before so I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel...........there is beauty and amazing love............the little being that eventually comes at the end of a wonderous (and sometimes heartbreaking) journey is so totally worth every.single.second of this pain.
Then Im back to despising the sight of pregnant women, of the joyous announcing of pregnancies, the bombardment of friends belly pics and ultrasound scans and name choosing
The one ray of light in all of this is my little Stelly. Everytime I look at him I think of what I wouldnt have if I had given up after Ds2. If I had taken his journey into being as a sign that we should count our blessings and get while the going was good. If I had let all the negative experiences build up and tarnish my view.........I would not have my chubby little cherub with curly crazy hair and the most melodious voice to love everyday. So I must keep on keeping on at this.
I cant even begin to thank all the wonderful amazing women who frequent this section of BellyBelly for all the help, hugs, advice and everything else thats given to every one of us who unfortunately share this pain
Freya.....you do think "why me" its very hard not too think that...
Im lucky enough to have fallen pregnant on the first go three times....1 resulting in my beautiful DD....but i am still beside myself craving for another baby to be in my belly...craving for another child...i dont think it matters how many you have.....yes were defiantly lucky to have been given the chance to have a healthy baby..........but it doesnt make the wanting go away...........or make it any easier........and this time i am on my fourth cycle driving myself insane...all my friends have kids and are pregnant and the pregnancy news keep on A COMING..and with every announcement i think why cant that be me.................and i am still sitting here thinking....WHY i just dont understand why NOW i cant fall pregnant..why they would take a child of me and then make it hard to concieve...there are no easy answers
So freya i can completely and utterly sympathise with you and understand...its tough
Who knows why it happens...and others can have 4 pregnancies without a hitch in the world...or why the ones who are bad mother, or dont want a baby fall pregnant
Good luck with you're journey...i hope you have a successful pregnancy soon
[Vent] And so it starts........why me!?
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